I’ve heard the saying a million times, “They just like to hear themselves talk.” It’s our passive-aggressive way of pointing out that somebody needs to shut the hell up. Lately, though, I’ve been wondering if people really CAN hear themselves talk. After tonight, I’m convinced that it’s a total misnomer. There is no way people can hear themselves talk, because if they did, I wouldn’t currently want to strangle these four UNC Asheville kids sitting up here in the student lounge. Why am I in the student lounge? Because I get the pleasure of monitoring study hall from 7-9 on Sunday nights – it is one of my many coaching duties that has landed me a stellar paycheck.
So, these kids are playing some card game and I’ve heard, “Fuck you and your four jacks,” like 8 million times. If somebody is getting 4 of anything that many times in a card game, then the other 3 people suck. Bottom line.
A second favorite that I’ve heard is “Let’s go to Scandals and see a Trannie show.” This one is coming from a girl trying to convince her boyfriend to go with her to the show. She has his roommate on her side. Yes, I’ve managed to determine the inter-relationships among the 4 sucky card players. Things are getting more awkward, but this appears to be par for the course with this foursome.
Then, I hear the blue ribbon winner. “Don’t hit me with your calluses, or whatever you want to call those, because they aren’t nails.” WHAT?! That’s just gross. Hitting people with your calluses…I really can’t even comprehend that. It’s one of those phrases that you hear and think, “Wow, I never thought that combination of words would actually be uttered in my lifetime.” It happened though, it really happened.
What a joyful array of comments that are being tossed around the student lounge…I mean, really?
Seriously though, I do not know where UNC Asheville finds these kids. I think that, in order to get in to school here, you have to write that you play Magic on your application. There’s also probably a spot on the application for what Organic (i.e., non-functioning) brand of deodorant you wear, the quantity of weed you smoke (the yes/no question is skipped because it’s a given), and perhaps, what article of clothing you love to wear that makes you unique…which, in reality, isn’t unique at all, but you won’t find that out until you arrive at campus with the other Magic players during Orientation week.
Back to my original point though, I don’t think people actually hear themselves talk. If you don’t believe me, here is some additional evidence that may persuade you otherwise….
(1) People still say "Um" a gazillion times when they give class presentations
(2) One of my players says, "That's Gucci," to describe cool things
(3) Some people just don't shutup...ever...and they don't know who they are
(4) Southern accents still exist
(5) Dick Vitale never knows if anything or anybody is "SERIOUS"
These are all clues that maybe people can’t really hear themselves talk, but if you aren’t convinced yet, just keep in mind that Sarah Palin is still giving speeches.