Monday, July 18, 2011

My Strange Addiction

I’m sure the title of my blog is copyrighted by the network with the weirdest show on Television, TLC. Oh well. In case you haven’t seen this show, you really only need to watch it once to comprehend what I mean by weird. A lady with 52 rats as pets. A girl who has eaten drywall for 7 years and never bothered to look up what ingredients are in this outstanding delicacy (i.e., fiberglass, toxic chemicals of sorts, etc). The former was the rocker, the latter was the shocker, and now I’m about to give you the show stopper...a guy who breaks into people’s homes and pulls hair out of shower drains. I couldn’t have made this up if I tried, really. Oh, and the longer and slimier, the better.

After first watching this show, I thought of a couple things I’d like to see on My Strange Addiction in the future. Like, I think it’d be really cool if they could find a person who collects people’s asparagus pee. Does organic asparagus pee smell different than that of the frozen Trader Joe’s brand? I also want to meet a family who never speaks to each other, but only sings all of their interactions like they're on Broadway...even when arguing. They also flash the lights in the hallway to symbolize their anger.

I could go on for hours, but I’m starting to get anxious. Why, you ask? Well, it’s been about 5 minutes since I started writing this blog, which means it is 5 minutes away from my girls. Ya know, the US Women’s National Team. They have effectively entered my life and become my strange addiction. I know it doesn’t sound that strange yet, but it’s because about 14 million people per second were probably semi-addicted to them last Sunday too. Yes, I know this is how many people were watching the World Cup on Sunday courtesy of a retweet by @AlexMorgan13 from @ESPNResearch. My addiction didn’t stop, though, when the Japan player sealed the PK deal…in fact, it was moderately close to the beginning of me hitting rock bottom…which is most certainly where I am now.

In my head, I’ve been going through the criteria for Alcohol Dependence just to see if I really have developed an addiction. Basically, I’ve just substituted “stalkUSnationalteam” for consume alcohol. Let's see what happens...

Do you stalkUSnationalteam in dangerous situations? Yes, I drive and refresh my Twitter so I can see what hotel the team is staying at in NYC.

Do you spend a great deal of time involved in activities associated with stalkingUSnationalteam? Yes, in fact I’ve done that for at least 3 hours today. I’ve been to dinner on YouTube at Abby Wambach’s house in Rochester, NY and watched her family interview her. I listened to a song about Megan Rapinoe. I found out that Ali Krieger has a brother named Kyle and he was “the most amazing brother” when he flew all of the way back to Frankfurt for the finals…he is “so proud” of Ali.

Do you find that you stalkUSnationalteam in greater amounts than you plan to? Duh. This certainly wasn’t planned, because I’ve never stalked before…well, at least I’ve never been arrested for stalking.

Have you neglected social and occupational responsibilities as a result of stalkingUSnationalteam? Certainly. Dissertation progress = notsomuch; I didn’t go get drinks with friends tonight…instead I hung out with the US National Team…well ok, you might not call it hanging out but I do.

Has stalkingUSnational team caused you social problems? No, but after people read this, things could potentially get weird. My dogs have stopped licking me too.

Do you continue stalkingUSnationalteam despite physical or psychological difficulties? Psychologically, the anxiety stays away as long as I maintain contact...not sure if that's a difficulty Doc. My back hurts though from sitting in this chair for hours and I’m still seeing what my girls are up to every few minutes. Also, I haven’t eaten but am drinking a glass of red wine, because Abby likes red wine. She had it when the Rampone family came over for pasta dinner. Yeah, I guess not eating is physically unhealthy, but so what if I'm waiting to eat from the Wheaties box with a pic of my girls.

I think I’m gonna stop there because I’m actually creepin’ myself out a bit. I’m sure my mom will call me later and be like, “Your blog just was kind of...weird this time.” I’ll just say, “Well, I bet Hope Solo is weird too...have you seen that cra cra look in her eyes?”

Seriously though, I think it's time for an intervention. God, wouldn't that be the best intervention ever?? The girls reading me their letters about how my addiction has affected THEIR lives in the following ways...


  1. LOL You my friend are hilarious. I love this, b/c I am pretty much obsessed like you. Can't wait to see you this weekend. :)

  2. Wow, 28) Stalk US National Soccer team is pretty intense. I'm pretty sure this was actually number 1 from the get go. ~!Antoine!~